Women Can have the Best of all worlds and still Excel

A screenshot circulating online recently caught my attention. The conversation is between two women: One encouraging the other to find something gainful to do to "save for a rainy day", while the other makes it clear she has no intention of engaging in any form of work. She insists her role as a woman is to present her most feminine self to her alpha husband, providing a conducive environment for him to thrive and take care of her. According to her, she gets the best life with this choice unlike her peers who, harassed by corporate world stress of deadlines and targets have no femininity left to sustain their relationships.

What struck me wasn’t just her perspective but the fact that this kind of conversation is happening in this day and time. Many of us Gen X, Millennials and even Gen Zs were raised in homes where both parents worked and thrived building careers and families. From our homes, it was demonstrated that success and personal growth do not have to be mutually exclusive.

Still, the big question remains: Can a woman truly ‘have it all’? The stories of two women come to mind. Zuri and Penelope.

Zuri graduated from college, married, got children and landed an opportunity at a prestigious financial institution a few months after. The downside? The job required long hours. A few months in, her husband asked her to consider quitting to focus on the family. Believing that family came first, Zuri stepped back from her career and her husband provided fully. Still, a part of her felt left behind as her peers grew professionally. When she eventually returned to the job market, she struggled to regain her footing in a space that had greatly evolved in her absence.

Then there is Penelope. Her focus was clear from the start; career growth. She avoided serious relationships to ensure this. She went on to build a successful career and rose steadily in her field. When she finally decided to answer the need to have a family, she struggled to find the ideal set up as most of her age-mates were already married with families. Fulfilling her dream would mean settling for an arrangement that was less than ideal.

Zuri and Penelope are a representation of women who had to make difficult decisions not necessarily imposed by society but by the choices they made and the timing. In the past, it was generally expected of women to pick one for the other without question. And while this mindset still influences some people even today, the pressure has loosened. Today’s woman is not expected to sacrifice her personal growth for anyone or anything. And while the general belief has been that if one focuses on their careers, they risk missing out on family life and vice versa, that shouldn’t be the case today. Not with the evolved work space with flexible work schedules and the increasing number of cultured, secure and supportive partners who are not just ‘allowing their wives to work’ but are actively cheering them on, sharing responsibilities and celebrating their achievements.

It is an inherent need in every human being to be productive, to achieve, and to grow all round. We see individuals born into opulence pursue careers often driven by a desire to make something meaningful out of their lives even when they know they can waltz through life without lifting a finger. We see women with already secured purses pursue ambitious careers, build successful businesses all while nurturing strong marriages and families. These women aren’t just ‘having it all’, they’re actively setting and smashing goals while redefining what ‘all’ looks like.

The modern woman can have it all and more. The future holds endless possibilities that call for balance and alignment more than compromise. It is possible to have the best of all worlds, family, career, and personal growth without having to choose one at the expense of the other. There is nothing glamorous about being a ‘kept woman’. Let us not disguise a lack of ambition as an expression of femininity. Its self-sabotage.

Ms Wekesa is a development communication consultant. fnwekesa@gmail.com